


Impression

by Niimarie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Enemies, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Redemption, Or not, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-31 16:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6476725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niimarie/pseuds/Niimarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of Episode VII:</p>
<p>She’d always dreamed of flying to far-off systems and following in the footsteps of the brave men and women who’d fought for freedom and peace. She would do just that, and to hell with those who tried to stop her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doubt

The crashing of waves against rock mixed with the song of the wind blowing around them. Her eyes were trained on his, hopeful, perhaps even pleading.

'Master Skywalker? ‘

He seemed to wake from whatever trance she had pulled him from. His hands flew up, pulling down his hood to reveal a weary face, more so than she’d expected. Rey’s eyes fell upon the metallic gleam of his right hand.

'Many years have passed since I last heard that name spoken out loud.‘ His voice was hoarse, as if he hadn’t used it in a very long time and needed to get used to it. Rey imagined that was true. Something, though she could not explain what, told her the island harboured no other inhabitants.

She had to blink twice before finding her own voice again. ‘I-I come on behalf of the Resistance. We have been trying to locate your position for a long time.‘

‘We? You don’t look like a Resistance fighter to me. Although I must admit I’m impressed that Chewie seems to trust you or he wouldn’t let you near the Falcon’s cockpit.’

'He-How did you know?’ Then the realization kicked in. ‘You can sense him through the Force, can’t you? You knew we were coming,’ her mouth spilling out the words faster than she could think them through.

The sound of his chuckle surprised her, the look of amusement creasing the lines around his eyes even more so. The mere thought that this legend, whose grave aura left her so awe-struck, found something to laugh about seemed so strange.  ‘The Force binds all creatures, the living and the dead. Once you know what to look for, it is easy to spot.’ He took a step closer. “The Force is strong within you. I’ve never...’ His gaze roamed her face, lips slightly parted in hesitation.

A different conversation crossed Ray’s mind. The memory of sweat gathering on her brow, the faint brush of snow against the patches of skin not covered by her clothes, the humming of two lightsabers clashing, one blue, the other red...

_‘You need a teacher.’_

The weight of the lightsaber in her hand seemed to multiply the longer she held it.

_‘I can show you the ways to the Force.”_

She hadn’t really spared a thought on Kylo Ren’s words, being rather too preoccupied with the consequences of his actions that day. Han Solo was dead. By the time she took off with Chewbacca and R2, Finn had still been in a coma. The last image of him had burned itself into her mind – his chest rising and falling to the softest of rhythms as medic droids checked his vitals and prepared fresh bacta patches. He would pull through she’d been told, but she couldn’t shake off the worry. Ray had seen the slash on his back the unstable lightsaber had inflicted, had almost gagged at the smell of cauterized flesh as they fled Starkiller Base onboard the Millennium Falcon.

He’d come back for her. A deserter from the First Order, yet he had placed himself in mortal danger just to save her. All she’d ever wished for was for someone to come back for her.

Kylo Ren would pay for what he’d done.

‘I see this does not come as news to you.’

Rey loosened her grip around the weapon hilt, noting that the man had made no move to take it, despite her offering it to him. ‘I feel like so much has happened since I left my home planet, I just haven’t been able to process everything yet.’

‘And yet you took on the mission of finding Luke Skywalker and bring him back to the Resistance.’ There was no accusation in his words, yet Rey couldn’t help but feel she needed to explain herself.

‘The First Order was dealt a few blows, but it takes more to defeat them.’

‘This is not your fight girl.’ His voice darkened. ‘And who am I to pose a threat to the First Order? The Jedi are no more. We all held on to that dream until it proved to be nothing more. You’d do best to head back home.”

‘I don’t believe what you say is true. You were the one who defeated the Emperor and Darth Vader, your name is still whispered in tales around the galaxy. I’ve been listening to the stories since I can remember.’ Luke Skywalker had been an idol not just to her but billions of people across the galaxy.

Looking up she found Skywalker slowly shaking his head. ‘Your passion does you credit, but all young people are passionate. You haven’t seen war yet.’

‘I saw my best friend loose to a murderer who had no respect for his life or mine. I saw my home town scorched to the ground by First Order cannons.’ The images of Niima Outpost under attack shimmered only faintly in her memory. She wondered if she would ever see it again. ‘I have seen Han Solo run through by his own son’s lightsaber. I think I’ve seen enough of war to want to bring an end to it.’

At the sound of his old friend’s name something seemed to shift in him. Skywalker's features softened. ‘I knew about Han the moment it happened. I felt the disturbance, but it didn’t surprise me the way it should have. I guess we all knew somehow that it would come to this.’

‘Master Skywalker, please.’ Without the Jedi Master what chances did they have? ‘General Organa needs you.’

‘I know you used my old lightsaber. You’ve met the leader of the Knights of Ren, yet you still stand here before me. You have courage, I give you that.’ He paused, eyes darting over the cliffs, the grey waters, the dancing blades of grass. Rey could feel him hesitate, though none of it was reflected on his face. It was instinct that told her.

_‘The Force is strong within you.’_

Skywalker all the while did not stop studying her. Rey wasn’t sure if he could read her thoughts. She had felt Ren invading her head, more pressure than actual pain, but she couldn’t be certain with a fully trained Jedi.

‘You have no reason to fear me, I promise you that.’ Finally his hand reached for the sabre in her grip and she felt a wave of relief to let go of it. ‘My sister has always been a strong woman, stronger than many of the fools sitting idly in Coruscant. I will come back to the Resistance base, but I don’t make any promises for what might come afterwards.’

Rey nodded, excitement flowing through her. She had succeeded. The Jedi Master would come with them.

‘What is your name?’ Once again his eyes settled on her with unmasked curiosity.

‘I'm Rey.’

'Just Rey?'

She nodded.

‘Well then, Rey, tell that Wookiee to have the Falcon ready. We leave at dawn.’

‘Shouldn’t I tell him to come?’ Her hand had already flown up to where the comlink hung on her collar. ‘We could help you pack.’

‘No need. The few belongings I have don’t warrant any help. I will find you when it’s time.’

She knew a dismissal when she saw one. ‘We'll meet tomorrow then, Master Skywalker.’

He had already turned his back to her, fingers gliding over the lightsaber’s hilt like a caress. Rey felt goosebumps prickle her arms watching him. That sabre had shattered life as she’d known it and replaced it with a white canvas.

Before turning and beginning the steep descend she paused. ‘Thank you.’ She was almost certain he’d heard her, yet no movement was discernible from where she stood.

Only whilst jumping down the countless steps and gaps did Rey fully comprehend what’d just happened. If anyone had told her just a week ago she would meet the war heroes of her childhood’s stories she would have given them a good slap with her staff. And yet here she was.

She had all the time in the world and yet her steps hurried down towards the beach where she knew Chewie and R2 were waiting for her return. Ahch-To was so unlike Jakku, and at the same time nothing like Takodana. Where before she’d admired the dense forest and the unfamiliar scent of soft earth, she now let her eyes roam over the vastness of the ocean surrounding the small island. How could there be so much water in the galaxy? The air smelled of salt and grass, so strange to her nose. A wide grin spread across her face. Yes, Finn was still fighting for his life for all she knew. Yes, Han had been killed. But for this one moment she just couldn’t help but feel hope for the future - her future. Who knew how long this would last before they’d send her back to Jakku.

She was a good pilot and knew how to take care of mechanics, but was that enough for General Organa to accept her as a member of the Resistance? She was efficient with a staff, but what good would that do in an open-space battle?

Her fingers flexed at the thought of using a lightsaber again. She’d managed to best Ren, but lightsabers were Jedi weapons. She was just a scavenger.

_‘You need a teacher.’_

_‘The Force is strong within you.’_

Part of her wondered if Skywalker would agree to teach her. Would she become a Jedi, just like him? Would she learn to use the Force? Another part wondered if she wanted that.

When she closed her eyes she could still picture the dark flames of Kylo Ren’s mind, the dense smoke encompassing his thoughts. Feeling him inside her head, roaming through her innermost fears and wishes, something in her had clicked. She‘d pushed, felt them slip out of her mind and into his as if they were connected through a tunnel. At first she’d been met by chaos. Did all minds look similar or was it just his projecting that sense of destructiveness, of instability and terror? Not really thinking, Rey had simply followed her instincts, delving deeper into the smoke until images meet her eyes. Images and emotions. An old mask, dented and scratched by time and the heat of a funeral pyre. A figure clad in black, hands clasped over their head as their body was shaken by silent sobs. Hatred. Anger barely contained.

And doubt, so much doubt. Of not being good enough, strong enough.

Did she really want to experience something like that again?

She could see the Falcon, the familiar form such a beacon of comfort by now. Dusk was still a few hours away, but they would bide their time working on the ship. There was always work to be done.

 

 

 +++

 

 

Once they’d jumped over to hyperdrive Chewbacca turned his head to her, his growl vibrating against the cockpit’s instruments.

Rey stretched the muscles on her neck. ‘Don’t worry, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep so well last night, is all.’

She’d lain in her bunk trying to find some rest, but sleep would not come to her. Her worry for Finn wouldn’t subside until dawn was only a couple of hours away. She dreaded to think in what condition she would find him upon return. Chewie let out an understanding growl, his large furry hand settling on her shoulder and rubbing at the tense flesh.

‘Thanks. I do feel a little better. I think I’ll lie down for a bit later, if that’s alright.’

‘You seem troubled,’ Skywalker spoke upon seeing her enter the main hold. He sat cross-legged in a corner, eyes light with what she hoped indicated a good mood. Despite her lack of sleep her curiosity was piqued by his choice of seat.

Whether he could read her thoughts or her face, he seemed to notice the silent question. ‘Meditation is a way to find one’s centre and reconnect to the Force. It helps to clear my mind and allows me to find rest. Personally, I find it works best if I sit on the ground.’

‘Does it always work?’ Rey wouldn’t mind some rest and peace of mind.

Skywalker rose from his spot on the floor, straightening his robes upon his shoulders. ‘I know you wonder if I’m going to teach you in the ways of the Force.’

_‘I can show you the ways to the Force.’_

‘The answer is no.’

‘What?’ Why did she sound so disappointed? ‘I-You said the Force was strong in me, Master Skywalker.’

‘I am no master, Rey. I used to be called Master Skywalker until the day I failed my students. I do not care for history to repeat itself.’

She still had a hard time understanding. Did he refuse to train her because of what had happened fifteen years ago? Was he afraid she would betray him too?

‘What happened to your students?’

She ignored the brief shadow flying across his eyes. ‘I was naïve. I thought I could bring back the Jedi by training the children brought to my academy. The storm was brewing, but I was too blinded by the sunlight.’

Rey waited for him to continue, wanted to understand why he would not train her. The image of a small girl crying flashed before her.

_‘Please, come back!’_

_‘Come back!’_

Not good enough. Never good enough.

No explanation came.

The Jedi stroked his beard as if just waking from his own nightmares. ‘I will not repeat my mistakes.’

Control was something that came easily to her most times. It was vital for survival on Jakku, essential in a world where you couldn’t trust anyone. Now it failed her. She muttered something about needing to get some sleep before disappearing into the direction of her sleeping quarters.

Unwanted.

She was angry at herself for getting her hopes high despite her better judgement. It wasn’t even his rejection to train her in the Force that stung, but rather the confirmation that she wasn’t worth that extra bit of effort. Of course that wasn’t completely true, she knew that. Finn, Han and Chewie had risked their lives coming to her rescue. She tried to focus on that, on their friendship, but found she couldn’t. Years of loneliness just couldn’t be wiped away by the events of one week.

_‘I can show you the ways to the Force.’_

She hated that she couldn't stop thinking about _his_ offer. Kylo Ren cared for no one safe his own precious self. He would have killed her too had she given in.

Rey was still a nobody in a vast world, barely worth a dot on the map, but she wouldn’t go back to Jakku. Come what may.

In that moment she decided that she would gladly take any position the Resistance offered her. Skywalker had made it clear that the Jedi training was no option to her, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be useful in other ways. She’d always dreamed of flying to far-off systems and following in the footsteps of all those brave men and women who’d fought for freedom and peace. She would do just that, and to hell with those who tried to stop her.

Sleep found her buzzing with newfound purpose.

 

 

+++

 

 

The walk from his quarters to the Destroyer’s bridge was meant to calm him, however futile that idea seemed. His calm had been lost on Starkiller.

Kylo tried to tell himself that it was due to Hux’s constant gloating. The young General still used every encounter between them to remind Kylo of his failure. What should have been a day of triumph had turned into a source of entertainment for Hux.

Kylo Ren couldn’t shake of the frustration gripping him tighter with every day passing. Killing Han Solo had promised to cleanse his soul of all light until only darkness reigned supreme inside him. Seeing that familiar face open before him, life seeping out of every pore - he had anticipated that day for years, the end of his torment. Still, he was missing the intended peace of mind.

Snoke could sense his unrest. He didn’t have much time to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong before he’d be asked to explain himself to his master.

Why was the Light Side most stubborn when all he wanted was to rid himself of it? It clung to him like a disease, letting in doubt and leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. He had severed all ties to his blood-family long ago. The moment they met on that bridge Solo had been no different from the other countless souls Kylo had claimed over the years.

Of course he had his suspicions. It was the scavenger’s fault.

The Supreme Leader saw in her a source for Kylo’s weakness, yet Kylo knew better. There was nothing remarkable about her save her high sensitivity to the Force. So much raw potential, so much power, and she had no idea how to harness it. It irked him to no end. He had made his choice between the only two options available – kill the girl or convince her to join the ranks of First Order.

The scavenger whose marks he still bore on his body and would bear until the day he died. The scavenger who refused to leave his thoughts.

She was too valuable to follow Solo’s example.

Kylo’s strides echoed through the passageways of the Resurgent-class vessel. The troops still feared him enough to avoid his eyes as he passed through, face bare and pale against his attire. He missed his mask. It would take another week until they’d be able to furnish him with a new one.

He hated the sound of his voice unfiltered though the metal’s processors, hated the vulnerability of his own flesh exposed to the world. Thankfully he didn’t need a mask to make the underlings nervous.

Upon entering the ship’s bridge he watched with satisfaction as the crew on duty stiffened in unison, the freshly healed scar on his face only adding to their horror.

‘Sir, the General has been requested to appear before the Supreme Leader. I am afraid you just missed him.’

Kylo turned to an officer with small black eyes and a square jaw. ‘Then I will wait for him to return,’ he said, not caring to mask his impatience. Of course he’d noticed Hux’s absence from the bridge, a rare event that usually meant one thing. It sat not well with him, knowing that Hux and Supreme Leader were discussing plans at this very moment without him being present. Hux loved nothing more than marring Kylo’s name in front of Snoke.

The General did not trust in the Force, did not recognize its superiority over his little toys. The troops, ships, and cannons would help them win the war, but only the Force would allow them to cement their rule.

The Knight let his gaze roam over the uniformed men and women. Ignorant. Replaceable. Unaware of their own inconsequential existences. The Force gave him power, insight, an understanding of the world they would never possess. _He_ wasn’t replaceable.

He sensed the General’s approach.

‘I don’t appreciate you visiting my bridge without my knowledge. The crew have enough on their minds as it is.’ The Ginger’s scowl made him look older than his years. The audience with Snoke had not gone according to plan it seemed, and Kylo felt relief wash over him at his obvious displeasure. For all his talk of self-control, the General was so easy to put out of his good mood.

Kylo made sure his face didn't betray his schadenfreude. ‘I would advise you to take your complaints to the Supreme Leader. However, you would do well not to question his trust in me.’

‘As would you, Ren.’

He knew Hux wanted to say more but couldn't affort such a slip in front of the crew. Their mutual dislike was an open secret, yet to succumb to open confrontation would not do. Not when the First Order had to keep up its image of unity after the recent blows. The General left him to his own devices, returning to his duties and allowing Kylo to focus to more important matters.

He had reached the final phase of his training. Soon he would be able to take over his grandfather's legacy. The Jedi would be eliminated. This was his fate and no one could take that from him.

Least of all a desert scavenger.

 

 

+++

 

 

‘Welcome to D’Qar, Master Skywalker.’ Admiral Gial Ackbar crossed the courtyard just as Rey was the last to step out of the Falcon. The whole base had come out to greet them, despite the air being heavy with rain. General Organa’s greeting to her brother was silent. All eyes were upon them as the siblings embraced, the Jedi’s hand softly stroking his sister’s braided hair.

Her gaze fell upon Rey, softening with such open gratitude that the younger woman felt a lump rise in her throat. All she’d done was follow the map. But after all that had happened he was probably the only family left to Leia Organa. Rey understood very well what his return must mean to the General.

After the commanders returned to shelter, Skywalker amongst them, and the crowd began to dissolve, she turned to Chewie. The Wookiee growled something about having to check with maintenance staff. The Falcon may be ancient, but still one of the best ships available to the Resistance. She would have to be checked through before becoming part of the fleet.

Rey felt a pang at that thought. Of course Chewie would stay with the Falcon, but whether she might take over as her pilot was not for her to decide.

A shout from the far end of the courtyard startled her.

‘Rey!’ A young pilot waved at her. It took her a moment to recognize him, having met the dashing young fighter briefly before leaving for Ahch-To. Poe Dameron hurried towards her, sunny grin challenging the masses of water falling from the skies. Instantly her thoughts turned to her wounded friend.

‘How’s Finn?’

‘Hasn’t woken up yet, but he’s stable. Figured you’d want to check on him yourself.’

‘Yes, yes, of course.’ Finn would pull though, she knew it. He would be alright. It was just a matter of time. The relief came instantly. She couldn’t wait to see him. ‘BB-8?’

‘Don’t worry, he can’t wait to see you. His antenna keeps bending, so one of the techs is taking a look at it.’

Poe guided her through the mostly underground structure and she was grateful for his company. As they passed the main hangar he gave her a brief update on the war effort. Apparently the majority of First Order forces had made it out of Starkiller Base on time, their current whereabouts unknown.

‘The destruction of the Hosnian system and the Galactic Senate has not gone unnoticed by the Republic. We’re waiting for some move on their part while our rec ships search for clues to the Order’s new base. All top secret, of course.’

‘What if the Republic stays neutral?’

‘Well,’ his hand scratched the back of his neck. The grin from earlier had slowly given way to a sternly set mouth and creased brow. His concern was as infectious as his smile. ‘Let’s hope they won’t.’

Finn occupied the only cot on sick bay. Although the thermo regulators worked splendidly, Rey felt cold. She noticed his sheets were starched and draped neatly over his shoulders. Someone had turned him onto his side, relieving the padded wound on his back from pressure.

How easy it was to pretend he was just asleep, as if his eyes were about to open.

‘They say it’s too much of a risk to put him into the bacta tank as long as he’s comatose.’ Poe walked to the other side of the bed, eyes studying her carefully. ‘Rey, no one knows what happened to the two of you back on Starkiller. There are rumours circulating.’

Rey looked up at his words, instantly shaken from her thoughts. ‘What rumours?’

‘That Kylo Ren is dead. That you guys were somehow involved in it. I’ve heard some pretty spectacular stories doing the rounds.’

She hadn’t talked to anyone about the events on Starkiller Base, not because she didn’t want to but because there hadn’t really been any time. She was still trying to come to terms with the implications herself. How could she explain any of it without mentioning the Force? And what use was talking about it if Master Skywalker refused to train her? She’d spent most of her life on Jakku, one scavenger in hundreds, maybe thousands scattered across the whole planet - nothing special about her. The first time she experienced the power of the Force was in Maz’ castle when she found the blue lightsaber. Wouldn’t she be the first to know if she was strong with the Force? Truth be told, she didn’t feel any different.

But she also knew that Poe was just as worried about Finn as she was. He deserved an answer.

She swallowed hard. ‘We saw him, Ren. He put his lightsaber through Han, then he went after us. Finn tried to fight him off but he wasn’t fast enough. If Chewbacca hadn’t shown up with the Falcon neither of us would be here right now.’ If wasn’t a lie, technically speaking.

Poe knew she was holding back information, but didn’t push for more. Silence settled between them, the med droids’ high-pitched beeps the only indicator that time was still moving.

 

 


	2. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks to all of you for reading through the first chapter. This will be a multi-chapter fic and yes, it will get darker further down the road. It's my first story for this pairing as well as my first fanfiction on Archive of Our Own, so please let me know what you think. Okay, enough from me. Enjoy!

 

* * *

 

The heat was stifling, adding to the strain he was already beginning to feel on his focus. His clothes were drenched in sweat and he could taste the saltiness on his tongue.

Supreme Leader Snoke had settled his current base on one of the minor moons accompanying a gas giant. Kylo stared at the planet’s blue surface, so far and yet appearing mere feet away, as if he could touch it if he tried.

The plane he’d chosen for this training session was uneven and like the rest of the moon’s landscape free from any vegetation. The ground was littered with sharp scree, the mixture between heavier boulders and slippery gravel making it harder to move fast.

He envied the five troopers with him. Their armor’s thermo regulators had no problem keeping out the hot temperatures. He himself was clad in a black shirt and combat trousers, face and arms exposed to the sun.

Kylo gave one of the soldiers a court nod to resume. Within a second the Stormtroopers had their blasters up, their shots raining down on him from all directions. He deflected each one.

The muscles on his arms were aching with each precise stroke of his lightsaber, but he relished in the pain. Pain had always kept him going. It made him forget everything else.

He shouldn’t be out here. Combat had been part of his training in the early days, but Snoke believed the attention should be shifted in this last phase. Kylo was too hot-tempered still, too likely to lash out. Passion had no place here. Passion was what had failed the Sith before, what had ultimately sealed Darth Vader’s fate. Kylo Ren must stand above such petty distractions.

Instead of drowning himself in physical exercise he should be meditating, cleansing his mind and body, sealing his emotions in.

Yet here he was.

He didn’t understand. Meditation had always come easiest to him, even during his time with Skywalker. Now every time he closed his eyes _she_ managed to break through his focus. She was everywhere, following him like a shadow, clouding his mind when he least expected it.

At first he’d only seen her in his sleep, smiling at the Wookiee or listening to the BB unit’s excited whistles. Now the dreams threatened to haunt him during day-time. As long as he kept himself occupied he could keep them at bay.

Some part of him knew they weren’t dreams, too varied and rich in detail to be fabrications of his own. But how? She was just a desert scavenger, her powers not strong enough to project herself over such distances.

Why did she have to smile so much?

Had she begun training with Skywalker yet? The Resistance must’ve had located him by now. Was she hoping to become the one thing he had sworn to eliminate from the face of the galaxy?

He should have killed her. Instead he’d defended himself against her unexperienced blows in the hope that she’d tire and listen. She’d been a fool for thinking that Han Solo would have made a good father figure, and he had no patience for fools.

His lungs were on fire.

Skywalker would disappoint her in time. The old man would have her do handstands and carry rocks back and forth. Her powers would go to waste.

He could show her the true spectrum of the Force, could teach her so much more than Skywalker ever could.

The purple scar she’d given him shone brighter against his flushed cheeks and forehead. He remembered the sudden rush of agony that had brought an end to their duel, the sickening smell of burnt flesh -  and barely registered his movements becoming angrier with each blast.

As long as she existed he would never be able to complete his training. Twice his lightsaber nearly grazed a trooper’s helmet. He was sliding out of focus.

‘Enough!’ The fire stopped abruptly. His mouth was dry with thirst and his side felt as if someone had punched him repeatedly. ‘We will resume tomorrow.’

‘Yes, Sir,’ they saluted in unison. Kylo waved them away. They’d been here for hours and he had no idea what time it was. His new mask would be delivered to him tomorrow, but in this heat it would be more of a hindrance to him.

His hand pressed against the side of his abdomen, and Kylo faintly registered his fingers staining with blood. The wound from the bowcaster had opened again, thick blood seeping through his garments.

Kylo let out a curse. Snoke wouldn’t approve of his exerting himself to the point of counteracting his recovery. Still, he knew that he would be out here again the next day, and the day after that – until he found a way to seal his mind from thoughts of _her_.

 

 

+++

 

 

‘No, that’s for my hair,’ Rey cried out, snatching the ribbon away from the little droid. BB-8 was watching her tie her hair in her usual three buns. ‘We need to hurry or I’ll miss breakfast.’

She was still getting used to the fact that there was food available at all hours. There was more than enough to almost let her forget what true hunger felt like.

Most of the faces she encountered on her way no longer belonged to strangers. Some even called her name or waved at her from afar. After their return she’d joined the mechanics, working day to day on old A-Wings or taking apart computers. Back on Jakku she’d spent hours at a time studying the fallen ships, roaming through the cavern-like Star Destroyers and imagining what it must’ve been like to travel inside one of them in the days of the Empire.

She’d still be able to apply for a fighter position later. Until Finn got better she wanted to stay on D’Qar. For the time being she enjoyed her job and the distraction it provided her with.

One of her team members - a Weequay woman everyone called Tokka - got in line behind her. ‘I can deal with the food, but the constant rain is beginning to drive me crazy.’ The Weequays’ home planet was a desert not unlike Jakku, she'd told Rey on their first meeting. Tokka had not been home in over five years since joining the rebels.

Rey laughed. ‘I guess it’s still too new for me.’

True, the food needed some getting used to. It tasted well enough, but the different tastes and spices continued to assault her senses after relying on Unkar Plutt’s bland rations for years. The rain however... It was hard to believe she could ever get bored from watching the sky sky break and drench the earth beneath her feet.

With BB-8 trailing behind, they made their way to one of the tables down the hall. Most of the pilots had left already, only few specs of orange among the khaki and brown uniforms that were reserved for operators, mechanics and maintenance staff.

Since their return, Rey hadn’t had a private meeting with Skywalker. The Jedi Master kept mostly to himself. Some even claimed he would not stay for long before disappearing once again.

Rey didn’t believe that. No, he would stay. For as long as his help would be needed.

They found most of their division members already seated and joined the lively group. The five people all hailed from different planets, some from the Core or the Outer Rim territories. Despite the multitude of languages or cultures Rey always saw them joking around.

She hadn’t managed two spoonfuls when someone called her name.

‘Ah, Mistress Rey! Excellent.’ The golden frame of C-3PO approached their table. ‘Prin-General Organa asks for you to join her as soon as possible. Please, follow me.’

Rey stared at him for a second before realizing what this meant.

‘Bit early in the morning for that, don’t you think?’ One of the men on their team gave Rey a questioning look. ‘Guess you’ll join us later?’

‘Sure.’ Rey all but jumped out of her seat, curious why the General wanted to see her at this hour. ‘BB, you can go ahead with the others. I won’t take long.’

The walk to Leia Organa’s private meeting room felt longer than it probably was. The entire body of command had its quarters on the two lower levels of the compound. Rey had never been in this part of the base before. Eventually the two of them reached a set of durasteel doors.

C3P-O pushed a series of numbers on the data pad and they watched as the door hissed open. ‘The General awaits you inside.’ The protocol droid bowed his head before turning and hurrying down the hallway they’d just come from.

Rey did not know what she’d expected to find inside that room, but she was startled by its simplicity. A large wooden table, some holo-pads stacked neatly on its surface, a few mismatched chairs – that was it. It didn’t take her long to lock eyes with the seated General.

‘How are you, Rey?’ The older woman shot her a smile. ‘Come. Sit with me.’

‘Thank you.’ She tried not to show too much of her excitement. Maybe she could ask about the Falcon.  ‘I was hoping to talk to you.’

‘About your choice to stay with us, I should think? I was told you'd joined the mechanics. B-Division?’

Rey confirmed. ‘And I’m so grateful for the chance to work with them, but...’

‘But you’d rather be flying one of those things yourself.’ Leia gave her a knowing look. ‘Yes, Chewie and Luke both praised your skills. I have no doubt you would be one of the best. Don’t tell Dameron I said that. Men and their ego, you get it.’

‘I-Thank you, General.’ But Rey’s attention was caught by something else. ‘Master Skywalker has talked about me?’

Again that knowing stare, impossible to look away from. Her dark eyes seemed to read Rey without the use of the Force. ‘I know it might seem surprising, but my brother and I often talk about you. You’re one of our main clashing points these days.’

‘I am?’ That did sound strange. Surely the siblings had more important matters on their minds.

Leia rose from her seat, moving over to Rey with calculated steps. As if she needed to weigh every word she was about to utter. ‘My brother has refused to take you on as his apprentice. Do you understand why?’

Of course she knew. Leia Organa did not appear to be the kind of person who tolerated secrecy, not even from her brother.

‘I admit that I never understood the Force the way my father or brother did, but it is part of me nonetheless. I knew what you were the moment I first saw you. One day when we’re both ready I will tell you a story, and hopefully you will understand then. For now you will forgive a wife and mother for keeping her silence.’

Rey didn’t know how to answer to that.  It would be a lie to say that she wasn’t still feeling the sting. It would also be a lie to claim she didn’t understand their reasons - or at least tried to. She understood what it meant to battle one's demons.

‘For the time being we both must accept Luke’s decision,’ the General said. ‘Now as for you joining Dameron’s team, we don't have enough vessels at the moment and I fear sending out the Falcon will attract too much attention. Chewie has requested you for her pilot, but he has agreed that staying grounded is the best option for now. Once it’s safe I will gladly assign you to her....And I know Han would have wanted it to be you.’

‘Yes, General. I understand.’

Something in Leia’s eyes hardened. ‘We’re at war. You will get your chance soon enough, Rey.’

 

 

+++

 

 

_Streaks of red and blue danced on their faces, the sparks flying off his sabre clashing with the flakes of snow falling around their struggling forms._

_‘You need a teacher.’_

_Everything shifted. She found herself spread on the ground, heavy rain soaking through her clothes and gluing some loose strands of hair to her forehead. A dark form loomed above her, face obscured behind a mask. Her eyes settled on the blade in their hand as it swung down._

_There was a cry, but the weapon never found its target. The figure looked down at the red lightsaber protruding from their chest._

_Another change of scene._

_A little girl in a dark shabby room, crying herself to sleep.  
_

_And again. This time her younger tear-streaked face contorted as she watched the ship disappear._

_‘Come back!’_

_‘The answer is no.’_

_‘No!’_

_‘That lightsaber, it belongs to me.’_

_‘No!’_

Her eyes flew open only to be met by darkness. Noticing faintly that her sheets were damp with sweat, Rey sat up and began rubbing at her temples as if that could somehow make her forget the dream.

Just a dream. Nothing more.

Memories mixed with the visions from Takodana – it had all felt so real, so tangible. Her head was buzzing with the remnants of adrenaline.

She'd been plagued by nightmares during the first years on Jakku, whenever exhaustion hadn’t been enough to secure a dreamless night’s rest.

Only once her heartbeat had gone back to a more steady rhythm did Rey notice the pain in her left side, its sudden prick sending shockwaves through her body with each movement. There were no edges she could have hit in her sleep. Holding her breath she shifted in the narrow bed, and lifted the hem of her tunic.

Nothing.

The only thing she could feel was a sticky layer of dried sweat. As she applied more pressure with her hand the sensation didn’t change, remaining a steady sting right beneath her fingertips, but as seconds passed it softened down to a dull ache.

 

 

+++

 

 

He could see her, slumped over in her cot, hands clutching at her side. Her left side.

It felt as if he was inside her quarters, even the gravel underneath his strides gone. It was night in her location, her features barely illuminated by the small lights in her room.

Had she hurt herself? A hiss escaped her lips, making him think for a moment that she had spotted him. He took note of the strain in her breath, the way she tried to alleviate some of the discomfort by keeping still and exhaling through her mouth.

He watched in silence.

If he hadn’t known it to be her, Kylo wouldn’t have recognized the young woman before him. Her hair was loose, splayed over her shoulders and back. He couldn’t help but stare at it, momentarily struck by how odd it appeared thus. 

Disgusted he turned away and found himself once again facing the obsolete landscape of the Supreme Leader’s base, his own wound demanding his attention every time the fabric of his garments scraped against it.

 

 

+++

 

 

Rey decided to ignore it. She needed to get back to sleep if she was planning to show up for work in a few hours.

Her dream had left her hyper-sensitive, that’s all there was too it. Her hitched breathing had very likely put a strain on her abdominal muscles. 

It was the same most nights, the same voices and figures disrupting her rest. The only thing changing were the scenes themselves. Sometimes they were memories -  the moment she was left on Jakku, her first night inside the old AT-AT, when she’d decided to live on her own outside Niima Outpost some years later, or simply standing in line to receive her portions from Unkar Plutt in exchange for the parts she’d found that day.

She’d often see parts of the vision too, and tell herself the next day that she should stop wasting her time on it, that anyone touching the old sabre would’ve seen the same disturbing things.

She lay back down, pulling the sheets to her neck and willing herself to stop thinking.

When she woke up the next day she’d forgotten all about the pain that had woken her from her nightmares.

That is until she saw the dark bluish bruise spread just above her left hipbone.

 

 

+++

 

 

After his fight with the scavenger he had been handed over to the med droids, too weak at the time to effectively protest.

The tear in his side had ceased to bleed on their ride back. With a damp cloth he got rid of the dried flakes of blood, the flesh around the injury still tender. He loathed seeking help for his body’s failures. Without his mask Kylo Ren was nothing but a man. Injured he was a liability.

It took him almost a minute now to knit the edges of the blaster's mark back together. His healing skills were adequate enough. Without glancing down he knew that he'd done a better job than that ridiculous bacta tank. He also suspected that the scar left looked no more appealing than the initial wound, but vanity was a sin of the weak. 

Back in his quarters Kylo wanted nothing more than to wash off the day, but he only had time to splash his face with cool water before his presence was requested. Supreme Leader called for him through the Force, reaching out through the bond that linked teacher and student. He would want to learn about his progress.

Kylo couldn’t remember a time when that bond hadn’t been. It was Snoke who recognized the powers within him when his own parents couldn’t be bothered. To them he’d been nothing but a burden.

He changed into a set of clean clothes, carefully hiding the evidence of his earlier slip behind layers of black.


	3. Monster

Most days the smell of sterile fabric and medication succeeded in driving away any fatigue the end of Rey‘s shift might leave her with. Not today. Her body felt heavy, stuck on one of the hard chairs for the past few hours. One hand was still holding the wet cloth one of the droids had fetched for her, the fabric caked with specks of grease she’d rubbed off her arms and face. The other held onto his.

Finn still hadn’t woken up, but the physicians assured her he was improving.

 _‘He is doing well. Don’t worry.‘_ or _‘He’s a tough guy, he will be up and about in no time.‘_

And every day she found him still unconscious, still motionless and unresponsive. Every day she stayed with him until sheer exhaustion forced her to seek her quarters.

Her eyes were not focused on anything in particular. Instead they travelled across his bandages, trying to figure out the state of the wounds underneath, the standard rate of recovery, the efficiency of the meds pumped into his system. Rey was trying to fight concern with logic. Sometimes it helped her keeping it together.

But today Rey was tired of holding up those walls. With each second she watched them crumble stone for stone.

‘Poe’s sorry he couldn’t come today. He had to take off this morning. Said it might take a week this time.’ She knew he couldn’t hear anything she said, but it felt good to talk. Her voice broke several times, but she kept on going. ‘There’s talk of a new track. First Order TIE-fighters have been sighted again. Everyone’s feeling down because of the news. Of course we’re told nothing concrete, just rumours.’  She couldn’t help but feel that’s making things worse. Poe had already explained to her how talk spread like wildfire among the Resistance, yet to experience it up close was daunting. The people she saw every day were restless, all because of the lack of information.

She wanted to help. Every time a new mission came up there was the chance that one of the pilots wouldn’t make it. The greatest danger she herself was subjected to was a short circuit or a blown fuse from time to time. But she had Leia Organa’s word that her chance would come.

Her voice sunk to a whisper. ‘I can’t do this without you.’

What if he chose to leave? He had every right to take the first way out and Rey wouldn’t hold it against him.

‘Please, Finn.’

No reaction.

She hadn’t expected otherwise.

Rey curled up on the chair, arms and legs drawing close to her chest. She tried to remind herself what his smile looked like and found comfort in that. He would smile again.

 

 

+++

 

 

Hours later she was walking down the corridor leading to the Level 2 dormitories. It was late and only a few faces met her on her way back.

When Rey realized she’d gotten herself lost it was already too late. She didn’t recognize the walls that stretched on both sides. The light here was dim, drowning the way in front of her in darkness. It looked unlike the rest of the base, sleek polished steel instead of old panelling patched from all kinds of different parts. She couldn’t remember taking any stairs.

There was the sound of footsteps marching closer. With relief Rey turned towards the sound. Whoever it was she could ask for the way. She’d thought that after weeks of living here there were no more secrets to discover. Well, apparently she’d been wrong.

The outline of a figure approaching gradually separated from the darkness. Her mouth opened, ready to form the question...

...and out came a gasp.

The Stormtrooper froze, and Rey felt a pull on her shoulder, dragging her away until she thought the ground was slipping.

Luke Skywalker was studying her with an alertness that would’ve startled her had she been calm enough to notice it. Her heart was drumming so loudly that for a moment it was the only thing she could hear.

‘What was that?’ The darkness had lifted, white light forcing her to squint.

‘Rey, breathe. Everything’s alright.’ The Jedi was holding her shoulders as if she was a doll, incapable of standing on her own. Judging by the numbness in her legs the last part was probably true. His stare was hard, almost angry.

‘Where am I?’

‘Where you should be. In safety.’

Her eyes focussed, went around as she took in the familiar colours and mismatched style. She was inside D’Qar Base, near the commanders’ quarters. But how could that be?

‘There was a Stormtrooper. I saw him. He was standing right there.’ Rey turned her head into the direction she’d faced before. There was no one.

‘No Stormtrooper could make their way down here undetected.’

‘I’m not lying.’

‘I’m not implying you are.’ There was a strange crack to his tone. ‘You should get to your room.’

He was letting go of her, but Rey was not about to let him go without answering her questions. ‘I know what I just saw. It...I wasn’t _here_.’

‘Rey,’ he spoke softly, evidently trying to calm her. ‘This is not the place to discuss this. Let me accompany you the rest of the way.’

She nodded. He was right. The corridor was not the right place. But she was desperate for an explanation. She hadn’t been hallucinating. The Stormtrooper had seen her too. It had almost felt like the vision she'd had on Takodana, just as tangible.

‘Was it the Force?’ Rey already knew the answer to that. Still, she waited for his confirmation, needed to hear it from him that there was a reason behind it all.

Luke Skywalker didn’t look at her. Nor did he give any response. Rey thought he looked tired and with every second in silence her resolve to push for answers wavered.

Eventually they reached her room with Rey none the wiser. Instead of getting inside she waited, hands wringing, trying to keep from bombarding him with her questions.

‘Master Skywalker?’

‘I’m not a master, Rey. Call me Luke.’

She was taken aback by how defeated he looked in that moment. ‘Please. I want to understand.’

His hand rose to pat her shoulder. ‘I know.’

And that was all he left her with.

 

 

+++

 

 

He was feeling fear that wasn’t his.

He’d just received a report from Phasma, the holo-message still playing out in his mind word for word. Two Resistance pilots had been captured, a Rodian male and a human female. Both were now aboard the Finalizer, about to be interrogated under Hux’s supervision. Kylo doubted the redhead would get any valuable information out of them. Not without him.

He’d been hurrying through the labyrinth of tunnels with no specific destination in mind when it’d hit him. Cold, naked fear. Confusion.

His vision blurred, head aching from the overload of stimuli, both his own and foreign.

 _Hers_.

There was no way to explain how he knew, he just did. Wherever she was, whatever had happened, in that exact moment she was afraid.

Closing his eyes he willed back his calm, seeking his centre. It barely worked in steadying his heartbeat, but he couldn’t help but wonder. What was Skywalker making her do that would trigger such a response?

Most importantly, why was he feeling it? Why was he seeing her all the time? What did he care if she was afraid or happy or hurt? She was of no consequence to him.

‘Sir?’

Kylo shifted and saw a trooper walking down the hallway, white uniform halting when he spotted the masked figure of the Commander.

‘Get back to your post!’ Kylo barked. The soldier turned without another word, and well hidden by his helmet, Kylo snickered in satisfaction. He could still make them run like frightened children.

 

 

+++

 

 

She didn’t see Skywalker – it seemed so strange thinking of him as simply Luke – or the General the next day.

The day after that she made her way to Leia’s quarters and knocked on the door. C-3PO shooed her away.

The two days following she asked everywhere for Luke. No one had seen him.

Rey was certain they were intentionally avoiding her. She didn’t understand how both of them could abandon her now with more questions than answers. But then, everyone did. Everyone except for Finn.

Even Chewie was hard to find these days and even harder to have a conversation with. The Wookiee would growl something about work, before heading in the opposite direction.

The atmosphere inside the base was tense. Two of their rec pilot’s were now in enemy hands. Everybody seemed prepared for the worst case scenario. They wouldn’t be able to hold the base once the First Order decided to invade. Yet despite that, General Organa hadn’t given the command for evacuation.

Poe was still out there. Rey tasted bile at the thought he might be a prisoner too. He’d already escaped the First Order’s clutches once. There wouldn’t be a second time.

Back on Jakku Rey had learned not to rely on anyone but herself. With all that was going on she was slipping back into her old behaviour, eating alone rather than with her team mates, and keeping conversations at a minimum. They did not seem to mind much. The stress was taking a toll on everyone.

 

With no more incoming information all they could do was wait.

 

 

+++

 

 

Rey didn’t stay with Finn for long that evening. Apologizing for the short visit, she only returned to her room to change and fetch her staff.

Her daily uniform was robust, ideal to protect her against sharp edges and grease. But it was in no way suitable for fighting. It felt good to have her own clothes back on, the light fabric a reminder of who she used to be.

The last time she’d made use of her staff seemed ages ago.

Rey craved the familiarity of it. She’d made that staff herself, mostly out of pieces she couldn’t sell. Still they’d all looked beautiful to her, engraved with writing or fashioned from different metals – a piece of home.

Careful not to be seen, she reached the largest storage room nearest to her quarters. Rey had stumbled upon it a couple of days earlier. In its centre there was enough space for her to practice.

The movements came to her easily. There was no refined technique behind it, just plain efficiency. And speed. She was fast, her only advantage against pirates, thieves and fellow scavengers.

In comparison the lightsaber had felt wrong. The Force in it had called to her, but the weapon itself had not belonged in her hands.

Yet she'd managed to defend herself with it.

It was easier to think about her fight with Ren when she was excercising. Her thoughts became focussed by her movements.

He’d held back. There was no way Rey could have defeated Snoke’s apprentice with just a lightsaber. She’d fought clumsily, barely able to block his strokes. With her staff she might have stood a real chance, but without it...

Kylo Ren had let her win.

Why?

 

 

+++

 

 

‘You are not following my orders,’ the Supreme Leader spoke calmly, nothing betraying his true thoughts. ‘Your training is lacking.’

Kylo Ren was kneeling before the figure of his master, keeping his head lower that Snoke’s shoulder level. The Supreme Leader was seated in a simple throne, fashioned out of sleek black rock. He was by no means tall, the contrast between his true height and the one displayed by his holograms stark.

 Kylo swallowed hard. ‘I apologize for any doubts I might have given you, Master, but I assure you there is no cause for misgivings. I am improving.’

‘Yes,’ the pale alien spoke. There it was again, the all too familiar pressure against his skull. Snoke was making use of their connection. ‘But your progress is slow. Tell me what is troubling you.’

‘It’s the scavenger.’ No point in lying. ‘I can’t forgive myself for her victory.’

‘You let her mark you.’

‘The scars remind me of the debts I need to repay.  She won’t survive the next time we meet.’

Snoke’s laugh resembled the rasp of dry coughing. The sound was enough to make him realize he’d just made a mistake.

‘Survive? Kylo Ren, you have yet to see what I see. That scavenger and you share a bond through the Force.’

It was as if someone had hit him with that kriffing bowcaster again. ‘A bond? That is impossible.’

'Are you questioning me?'

'Never.' Kylo was frozen to the spot, his arms two rods of lead glued to his sides. It was a test, it had to be one.

‘How naïve you still are, Kylo Ren. Do not underestimate the Force. You yourself told me she was powerful beyond her own understanding.’

‘Which is why this can’t be true.’ His head was spinning. ‘How would she know how to do it?’ A Force bond did not just happen out of chance.

Was this Skywalker’s doing? Was he using her to target him? Did she know?

Snoke retreated from his mind. ‘I do not care for the reasons, but the bond is there. You will use it to show her the Dark Side. Make her see how far she could rise within our ranks. The next time you meet you will bring her to me. Alive. The Jedi will be no more. Is that understood?’

‘Yes, Master.’

‘Good. I understand the climate here distracts you from your exercises. You will depart for the Finalizer today. General Hux is experiencing difficulties in extracting the information we need from the two prisoners. You will assist him and remain there. This time do not forget my orders.’

‘How will I be able to complete my training if I am to leave your side?’ It was worth a try, however bad his chances.

‘I will not be questioned by you, Kylo Ren. Bring me that girl. Prepare her for our purposes’.

‘Yes Master.’

 

 

+++

 

 

This had to be a bad joke.

He refused to believe it. How could he be bonded to someone and not know?

And why her? Of all people, why her? Were Force bonds not supposed to strengthen already-existing ties? Skywalker and Organa shared one, that he knew. And of course his master had been a constant presence since early childhood.

But her? She was nothing to him, apart from a nuissance, a parasite messing with his concentration. They’d only met once. Kriff!

Kriff! Kriff! _Kriff!_

Of course this explained everything – the visions, the strange emotions he picked up on occasionally.

Had she felt him too? He remembered the one time he had seen her in her room, doubled over in obvious pain and hands pressed against her left side.  He couldn’t disappoint the Supreme Leader. Not again. 

With frantic movements Kylo searched for his lightsaber, fury pulsing through his veins - His own, not some desert rat's.

He’d been given a second chance.

He’d better not fail this time.

 

 

+++

 

 

Rey’s eyes stung from the droplets of sweat not caught by her brows. She was not sure how long she’d been practicing, but something in her had found that equilibrium she’d been missing for a long time. For just a brief time she was the scavenger, the girl who'd lived inside an old AT-AT, the girl who'd lived off bland rations and watched the stars at night, the sand scraping against every patch of exposed skin.

And that was a good thing. She was still happy to have left that life behind, but it did well to remember it nonetheless.

Her whole body was humming with energy, a prickling flow rising from her spine and into her fingers. She’d never felt like that before.

No, that was a lie. She had, back on Starkiller.

_‘I can show you the ways to the Force.’_

She’d closed her eyes, and for the first time Rey’d actually felt that power within her, streaming out every pore. Letting go, her arms had moved of their own accord.

Was this how Luke felt all the time? How _he_ felt?

She desperately wanted to share this experience with someone, but who would understand? Finn was the only one who might.

Once again she found herself wishing that Luke would reconsider.

With the hem of her tunic she dapped at her forehead. Perhaps she could come again tomorrow, make a routine out of it?

 

 

+++

 

 

The temperature onboard the Finalizer was cool, almost chilly. Kylo was glad to be back. The moon’s stifling atmosphere had done him no good.

His new mask - fashioned after the old one - and heavy garments shielded him from the curious stares sent his way. There was no one to bid him welcome as he stormed off towards the bridge immediately after stepping out of his shuttle.

The redhead was easy to spot.

‘General.’

‘Ren.’ The man didn’t try to hide his displeasure. ‘You must be exhausted from your journey.’

As much as Kylo enjoyed getting on the man’s nerves, he had to bite down a comeback. He didn’t have time for this. ‘The prisoners?’

‘Are in their cells, as they should be.’

‘The Supreme Leader mentioned some difficulties on your side.’

Hux’s cheeks took on a red hue that clashed terribly against the colour of his hair. ‘I assure you, there is no need to concern yourself with them. Time is all we need to soften their resolve.’

‘Let me be the judge of that. It was Snoke’s desire that I assist in their interrogation.’ Kylo smiled to himself, certain he’d won that round. Hux couldn’t seem more blood-thirsty, despite his discipline hiding most of it.

But the General was quick to regain his composure. ‘Don’t let them escape this time, Ren. We wouldn’t want another fiasco so soon after the first one.’

Behind his helmet Kylo’s lips were pressed into a thin line. The General’s words had reminded him of the mission Snoke had given him. His master would never forgive him for running Hux through with his sabre.

It took all his will-power to stay calm. ‘I agree.’

He didn’t wait for Hux’s response before turning around and marching off into the direction of the cells.

Already he could sense their fear from afar. Good.

He was led into the first compartment, a trooper with his blaster close behind him. His eyes fell upon the prisoner. A young woman, face caked with dried blood and dirt. She was crouching on the floor, not looking up when he entered.

‘I don’t think I need to explain my visit.’

There was something vacant in her eyes, a look he knew all too well. People always stared into nothingness when they wanted to shield their thoughts from him, desperately trying to make him believe there was still some spine left in them to resist him.

‘General Hux may not understand the importance of hospitality, but I do. I can arrange for your stay to be much more comfortable.’

‘Piss off, you piece of Agomar junk.’

He studied her carefully. There was still enough of her spirit left to spit profanities at him. Hux and his cronies had achieved nothing.

‘The Resistance must be in dire need for pilots if the likes of you is considered for enlistment. Anything else you might want to throw at me?’

‘Don’t think I don’t know who you are. I’m not afraid of bullies.’

‘Bullies?’ His hands itched. 'I didn’t consider myself a bully before. Do all bullies offer to negotiate with their prisoners?’

No answer. She was staring at him, eyes squinted with unmasked hatred. He took it all in, relished in it. She would be easy to break, too easy. All her secrets would he his to explore, with no effort involved. But he wouldn’t enjoy it, wouldn’t find satisfaction in the simple activity.

He needed more. 

_She_ ’d been in a similar situation before him. Only then he’d arranged for her to be brought to his private quarters. A mistake. He’d watched her unconscious form, studied the soft rise and fall of her chest beneath the straps.

He’d been far too soft then. He wouldn’t be soft now.

Turning to the trooper his eyes didn’t stray from the woman’s face. ‘Bring me the other prisoner.’

‘Sir, I’m under strict ord-‘

‘I will not repeat myself.’

It took the trooper no more than a standard minute to get the other pilot. Rodian, male, with big eyes staring at Kylo with typical Resistance arrogance.

Two prisoners. They only needed one.

‘You will tell me the location of your rebel base.’

For a second the woman hesitated, her eyes darting to her friend. ‘I’d rather drink my own piss,’ she eventually hissed back.

‘As you wish.’ Kylo extended his hand and the Rodian gasped, clutching at imaginary ropes that were coiling around his throat. He watched the dying creature with fascination, let out all of his stored frustration into the Force grip. The sounds the rebel was emitting were horrible, high-pitched and drenched in panic.

Unnecessary. There was no need to shock her into submission. No, this was personal, the monster in him demanding its release.

He didn’t notice the woman screaming at him to stop, struggling against her chains like an animal. Nor did he care for the trooper's silent retreat. He was horrifying. He was Darth Vader’s heir.

There was no Light left inside of him, only Darkness. He repeated those words like a mantra.

Eventually the Rodian’s limbs went still, the body suspended mid-air like an ugly doll. Kylo looked at it, expecting the rush of content that usually accompanied his kills. Not today. Instead he felt bile rise up his throat, the bitter taste difficult to swallow down.

The woman’s body was shaking with silent sobs, naked fear staring back at him.

With slow steps he approached before crouching down mere inches away from her now shaking frame, like a predator before its forsaken prey.

‘Now you will show me everything.’


	4. Control

* * *

The woman’s body lay awkwardly on the cell floor. She was alive. He could hear her raspy breath. Somehow he needed the assurance.

Kylo’s hands were clenched into fists, the leather of his gloves doing nothing to weaken the tension against his palms. Mere feet away, the second pilot’s corpse lay in a broken heap.

He’d meant to kill.

He shouldn’t have. Not like this, not out of sheer passion. His master would be disappointed by his lack of control.

Hux wouldn’t be pleased either. Another body someone had to get rid of. Another reason for him to go complaining, despite the gained advantage over the rebels.

The woman’s face was smeared with fresh blood, the dark liquid still emerging from her swollen nose. The strain he’d put her through had been too great, too intense for her frail body. He could still hear her screams. He’d dragged it out nonetheless, tugged onto every useless thread of thought long after finding out the base’s coordinates.

Images of his last kill flashed through his memory. Han Solo’s face was burned into every single one of them. Kylo remembered exactly how easily his beam had slid through the man’s chest, how stiff every muscle inside that body had become. He remembered similar screams, but not from Solo, no. _He_ ’d been silent, lifting his hand with one last breath to stroke his murderer’s face.

Whenever he thought of it he felt nothing. He should be rejoicing.

Nothing. Only a hole in his stomach, a vacuum taking up the entire space of his abdomen, pushing against his lungs like a hole and making his breath come in laboured phases.

Yes, he’d hesitated. Struggled even. He’d overcome it.

The dark side of the Force should have strengthened within him. He’d been promised that, had clung to that hope like a drowning man. What if patricide hadn’t been enough?

He knew now where the girl was, where they all were. Within an hour their fleet could be on its way to D’Qar. The Ileenium system had been on their radar even before Starkiller’s destruction. Now the last piece of the puzzle had been handed over to them. Within a day the Resistance would be nothing more than an unpleasant memory. Thanks to him. Not Hux. The body count alone would be enough to prove the extent of his commitment.

He wondered if General Organa would be among them.

Did she know? What he’d done? Of course she would, the scavenger must have told her everything by now about the _monster_.

Against his will his mind conjured up the image of a woman, petite and yet more fierce than any of the commanders at her side. He remembered elegant robes and chestnut hair braided to frame a pale face not unlike his own. And he remembered a pair of stony eyes – eyes that had held no patience for the questions of a child.

Would she be the last one to fall?

His teeth clicked to suppress the growl that threatened to escape. He had no time for this psychedelic nonsense. Part of him cursed the pilot for not being stronger, for not having a better hold on her mind. Was that the best the Resistance had to offer?

Her inability had sealed their fates.

Pathetic. 

 

 

+++

 

 

_Empty eyes met hers – round and dark and familiar enough to cause a shiver run through her limbs._

_Dead._

_Orange fabric clashed with the dark floor. She didn’t have to look at the uniform to know who this was._

_What had she done?_

+++

 

He was no calmer than before. Kylo knew he needed to meditate, to finally immerse himself in his training. Supreme Leader had given him clear instructions. After all these years he was so close.

He had given so much, so why hesitate now?

He didn’t want to see _her_ again, not when all he desired was the void. Of course he could not deny her potential. But she was Skywalker's. Making her susceptible to Snoke would be no easy feat.

She was a nuisance, another test he needed to pass. There was no bond, never had been - every fibre of Kylo’s being protested against the idea. 

His fist collided with the nearest wall.

 

 

+++

 

 

_She flinched at the sudden stab of pain in her knuckles. Her free hand flew to the aching one, comforting the now sensitive spot with soft strokes._

_Eyes shut with disgust for her own actions. She’d killed someone.  
_

 

+++

 

 

Disgust. Unmistakable.

From one moment to the other it was there, weighing down on his shoulders. He couldn’t shake it off, more acute than the pulsing in his hand.

The girl was there with him, inside the cell. Close enough for him to reach her with his sabre, close enough for her to brush against the unconscious woman. But at the same time she wasn't. He couldn’t tell when she’d appeared, the feel of her presence grossly familiar by now. She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes closed as if to shield her against the scene he’d created inside the tiny space.

The Force flared up within him like wildfire. He sensed its glory rushing through his veins, but at the same time he felt yet another defeat approaching. Like fingers it brushed against his throbbing fingers.

Disgust.

Abhorrence.

Hers.

He had to get out of there.

 

 

+++

 

 

Rey was in her own bed, neck stiff from falling asleep whilst leaning against her cot’s frame. At some point her staff had rolled off the edge. It was now nestled between her old pair of boots and her dangling feet.

She must’ve dozed off. The lights were still on and a slight head ache told her she hadn’t loosened her buns, a few loose strands sticking up like grass in a bird’s nest. With tired movements Rey sat up and began to stretch. A few joints cracked.

Another nightmare.

It had to be. Rey thought of the two fighters she’d seen, the few times she’d talked to the male one. Why couldn’t she remember his name?

And the woman, not much older than Rey herself. She’d seen her talking to Poe a couple of times, almond eyes sparkling even from a distance whenever he’d cracked a joke.

Were they still alive?

The image of the Rodian’s blank stare was now burned into her memory. Dead. And she’d been the one to do it. In her dream, for the briefest of moments she’d felt nothing else than the need to crush and destroy. Primal. Repulsive.

Its flames had consumed her before she’d been able to shake it off.

With steps that were a little too fast she crossed the space to the fresher. Leaning over the small wash basin she began splashing water onto her face, a few cold droplets soaking through her tunic. Her face felt flushed, but when she chanced a glance into the mirror her reflection seemed to have had all blood drained from it.

What now? Should she tell the General?

Why bother? She had no basis for worry other than a dream.

But was it a dream? Were any of the things she was seeing no more than the product of her own imagination? Did she really want to know?

Somehow she already did.

Rubbing her eyes, she thought about the Stormtrooper in the hallway not too long ago. She thought about the images from Takodana. She thought about the almost faded bruise on her side, glanced down at her now discoloured hand. Red and swollen still.

She wanted to forget, wipe herself clean. Haunted eyes flitted over the small space of her room, lingering over some object for the briefest of moments before continuing on. They settled on a screw, one side of it caked with rust – a gift from BB-8. The oxidized metal had created an intricate pattern, one she recognized all too well from years of handling old parts. The little droid had presented his find to her with excited chirping.

It was with no plan or goal that Rey lifted her hand.

 

 

+++

 

 

The Finalizer’s crew had become experts in distinguishing their commanders’ mood swings over months - in some cases years - of service aboard the gigantic vessel. The rapid strides and the rustling of heavy fabric alerted everyone of the Knight of Ren’s approach. They knew to keep out of his way.

Kylo barely waited for the door to slide open before rushing into the sanctuary of his quarters. Only then did he unlatch his mask, his fingers working against the fastenings with clumsy impatience.

These rooms had been selected with care. Separated from the remaining officers’ by a whole floor, they provided isolation from the Finalizer’s ordinary hustle.

The air inside was cool, more so than the rest of the ship. Kylo preferred it that way. It suited him well, like the sparse furnishings or the basic colour scheme. No distractions, only the Force and his own thoughts.

Right now he regretted the latter.

He didn’t have much time. Someone must have checked on the prisoners after seeing him leaving the block. And he’d much rather confront Hux himself before letting the redhead jump to any conclusions.

His gaze was drawn to the viewport, or rather what lay beyond. D’Qar. Was it there, somewhere between the dots of light?

There was no doubt that the scavenger was with them. Which meant Skywalker couldn’t be far. Losing the droid no longer mattered, the Jedi was trapped.

No one was to touch a hair on that grey head though, he’d have to make that clear. Skywalker was his, his alone.

And the girl, of course. She couldn’t be harmed. He could arrange for her to be captured separately.

For a second he was tempted to think this might work. But Kylo knew better. She’d pull a fight, perhaps even use her recent training to claw her way to freedom. He couldn’t have her run into the middle of the fighting.

Where she would almost certainly end up if he followed through with that plan. No, she’d rather die than abandon her _friends_.

Supreme Leader needed her alive.

They couldn’t trust ordinary soldiers with her. He could summon his knights, at least those whose missions could be put on hold.

His fingers traced the edges of his jaw, right where the scar tore through healthy tissue. The new skin was stiff, protesting with each twitch of his cheeks.

No, they wouldn’t do either. It had to be him.

 

 

+++

 

 

If Rey concentrated hard enough she could almost feel the air between her fingers quiver, something warm and very much alive spreading from the centre of her palm. But the screw remained glued to its spot.

Her lips were pressed to a thin line, white with pressure. She had to remind herself to blink, too afraid that closing her eyes for long might counteract her effort. But nothing changed.

Eventually her hand sank back to her lap, the screw still on the other side of the room.

Rey didn’t understand. She’d done it before. Compared to a lightsaber a simple screw should pose no problem.

_‘You need a teacher.’_

Rey stopped herself from going down that train of thought. All she needed was practice. The lightsaber had answered to _her_ , after all.

 

 

+++

 

 

The two pairs of pale eyes turning on him – one a stark blue, the other a lifeless grey that nonetheless managed to freeze the air around them - sent a bolt through his spine.

Hux didn’t wait for him to reach them. ‘Why wasn’t I informed about this?’ 

‘Your meaning?’ His helmet’s breathing apparatus barely succeeded in masking his rising irritation.

‘Ren, she was alone with the body for an _hour_ before someone reported it to me.’ The redhead looked flushed, anger barely contained behind clasped hands and slightly flared nostrils. ‘What value does she still have now that her head is turned to mush?’

Kylo chose to ignore the question. With a deep bow he turned to the holo. ‘Supreme Leader, I have been able to extract the location of the main Resistance base.’

‘Finally. You have done well, Kylo Ren.’ The deep voice bounced off the tall walls. The hall they stood in wasn’t as big as the one on Starkiller, but it served its purpose. Every time Kylo entered he had to remind himself that he was still on a Star Destroyer in deep space, and not inside a cave. ‘Tell me where the rebels chose to hide.’

‘They are on a planet called D’Qar. We were right to target the Ileenium system.’

‘Excellent.’ Snoke drew out the word with obvious pleasure. ‘General, I leave this to you.’

Kylo knew it was now or never. He’d deliberated about it the long way from his chambers to the audience hall.

‘Master, we should wait with the strike until-‘

Hux cut him mid-sentence. ‘Wait with the strike? We’ve been trying to locate their new position for years.’

Kylo had to remind himself to keep breathing. No one interrupted him. Within a second he was intensely aware of his lightsaber’s weight strapped to his hip. But Snoke’s eyes were on him, waiting for any sign of weakness.

His hands remained at his sides. Kylo was glad his face was hidden. ‘That is why a few additional weeks won’t delay us.’ He hesitated. ‘The girl is there, along with Skywalker. Butchering her accomplices in front of her will only strengthen her resolve. ’

Hux’s disbelief was almost palpable through the Force. ‘What girl? The scavenger?’   

‘Yes, General, the scavenger.’ The holograph bent down from its seat to loom over the two men. ‘The scavenger I ordered to be brought over to our ranks.’

The General had overstepped his bounds, both Kylo and Hux knew that. Kylo watched the other man turn pale.

 ‘When the time comes she will stand with us. It will be Skywalker’s ultimate defeat,’ Kylo spoke with conviction. Brought down by two former students. The Jedi’s failures will be his downfall.

‘Her resistance brought to down once. You will not fail me again.’

‘Never.’ The word tasted like lead.

The holograph gave a satisfied nod. ‘General Hux, keep your soldiers ready. Send out intelligence to keep an eye of the planet. Any unusual activity shall be reported to me immediately.’

And with that the connection went off, leaving them alone in the room.

‘You should re-evaluate your methods, Ren. The pilot could have given us more.’

‘You are questioning my methods?’ Voice calm through the mask’s apparatus. He faintly remembered a similar conversation between them. Hypocrite.

Hux took a step closer. ‘She was our leverage against the rebels. A Resistance pilot in exchange for FN-2187. Thanks to you she can barely stand.’

‘I very much doubt the traitor has survived our last meeting.’

That was a lie. Kylo had seen glimpses of him, unconscious but alive. Hand cradled by two smaller ones. Something within him growled darkly at that.

He took his time studying the redhead – the aloof curl of his upper lip, the light twitch of his mouth, the waves of distrust crashing against him through the Force. Kylo’s head tilted to one side in an automatic motion.

‘How does it feel? Knowing one of your own troopers chose to become turncloak must frustrate you.’

‘You think this is a game. Every minute we wait gives them more time to run and hide. Yet here we are.’ Hux had no need of a mask to keep his voice neutral. His face had settled into his usual glacial impassiveness.

‘You doubt my decision.’ Others had doubted him before. Their fates were an open secret. It was unfortunate that their collected ashes had been lost in the destruction of Starkiller.

‘This is not about you, Ren. It’s about what needs to be done for the sake of the Order.’

‘Are you suggesting that the Supreme Leader sanctioning my offer went against the First Order’s interests? Perhaps you should let him know that you disagree with him.’

Kylo felt electricity flow through his palm, the memory of the kill still embedded in his flesh. Without waiting for an answer he turned for the exit, ignoring the daggers Hux stared into his back.

 

 

+++

 

 

The humidity inside the hangar made her uniform cling to her skin with perspiration. It was raining again and the sound usually helped her mind focus on the work.

Today it wasn’t loud enough to drown the voices.

‘...dead. Or worse.’

The broken transmitter fell into her hand after the last screw came loose.

‘...First Order...’

An old thing - older than herself, she guessed. But it had done its job well enough.

‘...no signal for days.’

The rational part of her knew she had to talk to someone about it, preferably General Organa or her brother. Seeing strange things was one thing, having them at least partially confirmed was another. The news had reached them earlier that morning, verifying the imprisoned pilots' identities.

‘Daydreaming about Jakku?’

Rey met Tokka’s bright eyes and managed to mumble a quick ‘Yeah.’

The Weequay let out a breathy laugh that reminded Rey of the scraping of sand in a storm. ‘I feel ya.’

She’d never liked lying. 

A shrill sound cut through the hangar.

Tokka’s head snapped around. ‘For such a tiny thing he really makes a lot of noise.’

BB-8 was calling for her. The droid doubled his speed when he spotted her. Rey stretched out her arms in an attempt to stop him from crashing into her work station.

‘What’s wrong? Is it Poe?’

The droid’s chirping was so hurried she almost missed the name.

‘Finn.’


End file.
